im drinking this country out of the recession.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
