I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
smell my finger.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
