We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
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