She's JV to your varsity
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
