We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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