Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
