Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
