Only a mothe r could love this liver
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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