Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
You ruined the universe
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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