so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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