Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
