im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
