In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
