I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
i think i scared a bird with my dick
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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