I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
