wrigley field is MILF paradise
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize