omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
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