I think scott just propositioned me for sex
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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