I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
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