I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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