he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
