I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
