and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
