Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
