why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
