just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Randomize
