how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
