Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
Welp...herpes.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize