id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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