Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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