And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
