Porn is love you can see.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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