i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
