I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
