Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I touched a dick in church today
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
