I want to make a zoo with you.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
