Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
