Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
