My room smells like vodka and shame
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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