quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
