I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
