Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
