if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
