i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
