I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
