FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
