$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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