Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
