id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Randomize
