Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
