FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
