I wish I could teleport
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
You're a waste of cheezeits
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
