We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
