Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
