where am i from again
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
