Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
if only i could text you this smell
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
