chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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