my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
