I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
