yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
