somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
