My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
