This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
