Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
